Yesterday

I had 3 auditions

In the 3rd audition the girl who was checking the names off – Her name was Emily @ at the Giant Olive Theatre Company was so RUDE I actually turned around and NEVER went back for my recall. Which was such a MASSIVE shame because the guys INSIDE the audition were lovely. LOVELY. The shame is that they had her as an ambassador for the company front of house! Sack her Ray Shell before you lose more talented, young actors and actresses.

Rant over.

I’m feeling much better now

Pass me a bucket????

J was lying in my bed last night and we were talking (as we often do actually) about how lucky we were to find each other and be this much in love. It sounds quite sickly doesn’t it but I’ve no doubt that for those of you who remember the break up with the ex will be nothing but happy for me.
The thing that astounds me most is that this man with whom I’m quite besotted. Not only feels the same but he feels LUCKY to be with me. (Eh?)

I am a very happy girl.

Currently working as an actress in London.

Obviously there are other things going on but at the moment I’m choosing to be present in this time and place and enjoy being happy.

Loving Paramore's Use somebody- cover of kings of leon on Youtube at the mo!FYI

Ail. xxxx

The Parrot

I got the job. I have already done the job (How quick is the turnaround for these things by the way) and have accepted another job playing..... wait for it.... a parrot in a production of ‘Sleeping beauty’. They asked me if I wanted to be the principle boy but, honestly, the Parrot sounds more fun. I mean.... think of the feathers!!!!
Also I applied for a breakdown on CCP. They were doing a play that I love and a art was available that I think I would be perfect for. I applied but I also thought because I have spoken to the director of the company before that I’d do a little more research and e-mail him directly. As it turns out it says on the breakdown they do NOT want people submitting themselves through any channel other than CCP- I hadn’t seen this so proceeded with an e-mail saying how exciting I thought their company was and what skills I could specifically bring to that particular role.
The responded with this.


We automatically bin any actor or actress who contacts us direct as it clearly states that all applications must come via casting call pro.

My thoughts on this are MANY and VARIED.
• I had spent A LOT of time on that e-mail.
• I am a professional in this industry and have a right to approach companies that are actively seeking the product I sell. Don’t I?
• How RUDE!!!!!!
• They were absolutely right
• How F*&^ing RUDE!!!!!!

Whatever happened to......

B1??? Well the short, non-complicated answer to that one is. He fell in love with a very pretty woman, that wasn’t me.
The great thing about the situation that I see now. Is that the universe really does have a plan. I met J about 2 years ago. When he claims he fell in love with me. At the time I was in a relationship and around the time B1 and I became involved I was still in an incredibly emotionally unstable place. With B1’s (and P1 for those of you who remember both) help I got back on my feet and so when J came along for a second time my heart was unexpectedly ready to take another leap of faith.
And now romantically I couldn’t be happier. I’m utterly besotted.
Emotional life = sorted.
Now for the career.
Not surprisingly I didn’t get the musical- seriously I would have been a hindrance if they had given me a part so I’m not displeased by that but I was glad to have a re-call. I was sad I didn’t get a play I went for but they went for someone older so I take comfort in that and another audition I went for I am currently pencilled for. I find out today. So I didn’t do too badly. Of course I didn’t get the jobs either so......

The (Dreaded) Re-call

Well I attended my first EVER Musical Theatre re-call. I woke at 6am this morning and wanted to vomit I was so nervous. I haven’t been this nervous for a long time. I couldn’t eat. I threw several tantrums and talked with J (The Boyf) about me giving up acting. Got close to tears more than once and finally left the house 3 hours later to arrive on time @10am.
Luckily I found2 lovely girls also at the audition. Far more experienced than me and we got along famously. I attended the dance call and it wasn’t NEARLY as bad as I had anticipated. I more acted my way through it than danced through it but I got all the land mark moves and even, dare I say it, enjoyed the experience.
I then had to wait 2 HOURS before they wanted me to sing again..
For the first song. I got all my words right and kept time with the piano AND acted it out.
For the second song. I kept time with the piano, remembered the tune and fluffed up on the words twice but I’ve got to say I was pretty bloody chuffed with myself.
I don’t think for a second that I will be offered a part I genuinely think I would be more of a hindrance to them than I would an asset. But I liked meeting them and it was a great/ terrifying experience to have.

I’m thoroughly shattered by it.


Seriously exhausted.

I could sleep for a week..... Infact...

Zzzzzzz

Interesting audition....

I recently go an audition for a musical. I have quite a nice voice actually. I arrived and was daunted by the size of the theatre but I took a nice deep breath and went in and ended up listening to a VERY impressive audition. A guy who could really sing and I started to panic. I rang my boyfriend and asked what the backlash would be if I just left. Just walked right out of there. Could I call my agent and claim laryngitis? Could I throw myself down the stairs and actually break my leg.
He told me
NO YOU BLOODY CAN’T. IT’LL BE GOOD FOR YOU POPPET (His nickname for me.) You’ve got a nice voice now go in and show them what you’re about.
I love him, but sometimes I wish I could swap him for a sock puppet.
I had started sweating.
They called me in and I clutched my sheet music to my chest. I opened with.
‘I have a confession I feel I should make’
Then I launched into the fact that I had never had a singing audition in my life and they, as it turns out were very good natured.
Thank god because I came into my first song 2 bars too early and with the wrong line. I asked to start again and CLUNKED through it. My second song (Which I almost pleaded with them NOT to make me sing) was an octave and a half too high and made me sound like a chipmunk. I stopped the audition half way through and told THEM I thought they had probably heard enough.
I said ‘Thank you so much for being lovely about all this... Good luck with the show I’m sure it’ll be fabulous..... I’ll come and see it.’
They laughed and said ‘Well you don’t know, you might be seeing us before then.’ Which made me laugh all the harder and I said OKAY ha ha ha.....

They must have found my cluelessness adorable or something because. They’ve called me back.
Why god WHY???????

On the up side. What the hell have I got to lose?
Bring it on. xxx

Shall I get a bunny rabbit??

Exhausted.
In the middle of a 4 week run. Working during the day and doing the play at night. There are aspects of doing the play/ being an actor that I love. But at school where you have the security of being one of the best actors in the class to working with a professional company where you are absolutely not is a truly humbling experience and when you are tired the demons of insecurity come, sit on your shoulder and whisper in your ear.
I try to tell myself that I’m still learning and my confidence and ability will grow....

I hope this is true. I have this saying stolen from my favourite film of all time which is ‘Tell the truth and shame the devil’
So here is the truth. There is a girl in the cast who is so much better than me and I feel dwarfed and insignificant in her prowess as an actor. It makes me constantly question my own ability and I keep asking myself. Have I done enough work? Did I work hard enough? Am I playing? Am I going as far as I can go? Am I enjoying the performance? Am I taking risks? There’s one scene in particular where the getting the requisite emotion eludes me. Why?
I don’t know the answer.
Maybe because I’m tense and I feel the pressure of the other actors who, on the most part seem to simply ‘Get it’.
Will I ever ‘Get it’?

Anywhoo....
On the other hand my man is still beautiful and wonderful and my favourite part of the day is crawling into bed with him.
We’re moving in together in January when he comes back from doing a play for 3 months in Scotland.
I will miss him.

We have brought a butter dish.

That is all for now.
xx