Random Musings

I am utterly in love... with the man of my dreams and mostly I'm deliriously happy but sometimes.. at night I am terribly fearful of that fact. Like Charlotte says in Sex in the City 'Who gets everything they want? No-one.'
But where do these thoughts lead? Nowhere good. I mean you might as well enjoy the good while it's there because when it's gone. it's gone.

The Black Hole.

Dearest Lovelies.

Well it has been a while. I'm not really sure why I haven't written.... There seemed to be so MUCH going on I didn't know where to start... so I didn't....

Terrible I know and I'm sorry for it. I have missed the internet... and you....

I am still with J and am, in fact on a train on my way to spend Christmas with him. He got an amazing gig in Scotland and I have missed him. Plans of moving in together have had to be put on hold as he has to stay up in Scotland till May. Ho Hummmm.

As for me.... Well I literally haven't stopped. I have had a plethora of jobs some great some not so good and the company I spent 2 years with- the ones who kept me paying my rent in full and on time went bust so I have been forced to earn my money working as an actress. I kind of love that.


Now for the gossip: I have never been asked to 'Casting couch'- Should I be offended?? I had in fact thought it was a bit of a myth. Pah! But I have been hearing a lot of rumours of late about one predatory male in London at the moment. He used to work in film and is now the Artistic Director of a may-jah london theatre.
I went to a press night recently at the aforementioned theatre and one man/ boy in it was particularly bad- So bad in fact I had to ask someone who works with the AD why in gods name was he hired??

I was informed

'Well, he shares a dressing room with the AD'

Ahhh- Not so much of a myth as I had thought. It's a shame that with so much new talent out there that the only factors that are required to get the job is a blow-job with that particular AD.

Also if you are avid blog readers as I am you will notice that Belle De Jour came out- (I was in the states at the time- another story- and found out rather later than everyone else.)
I love Belle/ Brooke. Her writing has made me laugh and cry with equal measure. She is the reason I started to blog myself.
Well done you love. A brave choice. I wish you all the happiness in the world. XXX

AIL

Yesterday

I had 3 auditions

In the 3rd audition the girl who was checking the names off – Her name was Emily @ at the Giant Olive Theatre Company was so RUDE I actually turned around and NEVER went back for my recall. Which was such a MASSIVE shame because the guys INSIDE the audition were lovely. LOVELY. The shame is that they had her as an ambassador for the company front of house! Sack her Ray Shell before you lose more talented, young actors and actresses.

Rant over.

I’m feeling much better now

Pass me a bucket????

J was lying in my bed last night and we were talking (as we often do actually) about how lucky we were to find each other and be this much in love. It sounds quite sickly doesn’t it but I’ve no doubt that for those of you who remember the break up with the ex will be nothing but happy for me.
The thing that astounds me most is that this man with whom I’m quite besotted. Not only feels the same but he feels LUCKY to be with me. (Eh?)

I am a very happy girl.

Currently working as an actress in London.

Obviously there are other things going on but at the moment I’m choosing to be present in this time and place and enjoy being happy.

Loving Paramore's Use somebody- cover of kings of leon on Youtube at the mo!FYI

Ail. xxxx

The Parrot

I got the job. I have already done the job (How quick is the turnaround for these things by the way) and have accepted another job playing..... wait for it.... a parrot in a production of ‘Sleeping beauty’. They asked me if I wanted to be the principle boy but, honestly, the Parrot sounds more fun. I mean.... think of the feathers!!!!
Also I applied for a breakdown on CCP. They were doing a play that I love and a art was available that I think I would be perfect for. I applied but I also thought because I have spoken to the director of the company before that I’d do a little more research and e-mail him directly. As it turns out it says on the breakdown they do NOT want people submitting themselves through any channel other than CCP- I hadn’t seen this so proceeded with an e-mail saying how exciting I thought their company was and what skills I could specifically bring to that particular role.
The responded with this.


We automatically bin any actor or actress who contacts us direct as it clearly states that all applications must come via casting call pro.

My thoughts on this are MANY and VARIED.
• I had spent A LOT of time on that e-mail.
• I am a professional in this industry and have a right to approach companies that are actively seeking the product I sell. Don’t I?
• How RUDE!!!!!!
• They were absolutely right
• How F*&^ing RUDE!!!!!!

Whatever happened to......

B1??? Well the short, non-complicated answer to that one is. He fell in love with a very pretty woman, that wasn’t me.
The great thing about the situation that I see now. Is that the universe really does have a plan. I met J about 2 years ago. When he claims he fell in love with me. At the time I was in a relationship and around the time B1 and I became involved I was still in an incredibly emotionally unstable place. With B1’s (and P1 for those of you who remember both) help I got back on my feet and so when J came along for a second time my heart was unexpectedly ready to take another leap of faith.
And now romantically I couldn’t be happier. I’m utterly besotted.
Emotional life = sorted.
Now for the career.
Not surprisingly I didn’t get the musical- seriously I would have been a hindrance if they had given me a part so I’m not displeased by that but I was glad to have a re-call. I was sad I didn’t get a play I went for but they went for someone older so I take comfort in that and another audition I went for I am currently pencilled for. I find out today. So I didn’t do too badly. Of course I didn’t get the jobs either so......

The (Dreaded) Re-call

Well I attended my first EVER Musical Theatre re-call. I woke at 6am this morning and wanted to vomit I was so nervous. I haven’t been this nervous for a long time. I couldn’t eat. I threw several tantrums and talked with J (The Boyf) about me giving up acting. Got close to tears more than once and finally left the house 3 hours later to arrive on time @10am.
Luckily I found2 lovely girls also at the audition. Far more experienced than me and we got along famously. I attended the dance call and it wasn’t NEARLY as bad as I had anticipated. I more acted my way through it than danced through it but I got all the land mark moves and even, dare I say it, enjoyed the experience.
I then had to wait 2 HOURS before they wanted me to sing again..
For the first song. I got all my words right and kept time with the piano AND acted it out.
For the second song. I kept time with the piano, remembered the tune and fluffed up on the words twice but I’ve got to say I was pretty bloody chuffed with myself.
I don’t think for a second that I will be offered a part I genuinely think I would be more of a hindrance to them than I would an asset. But I liked meeting them and it was a great/ terrifying experience to have.

I’m thoroughly shattered by it.


Seriously exhausted.

I could sleep for a week..... Infact...

Zzzzzzz